


Something to Fight for

by wakeupkid



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, Finn Angst, Finn POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-22
Updated: 2016-01-22
Packaged: 2018-05-15 12:17:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5785054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wakeupkid/pseuds/wakeupkid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finn may have left the First Order, but he never joined the Resistance. Not really. He went back for Rey. That was it. Now, awake, back at the Resistance base and the war still raging, Finn must make a choice. Can he find something to fight for?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something to Fight for

Finn was there when General Organa received the intel on Supreme Leader Snoke’s location. Based on the hardening of her eyes and the squaring of her shoulders, he knew immediately what order was coming next. The thing was, he did not know if he would be able to follow it.

Finn felt Poe’s eyes on his back as he left the room. His shoulders slumped with the weight of indecision. He bowed his head and picked up speed, attempting to avoid eye contact with those he passed on the way to his quarters.

Finn had known this moment would come, although he had not expected it so soon. No one had, really. He figured that was the reason everyone had been happy to give him as much time as he needed after leaving the medbay to make his decision. By now, everyone was aware he had been a stormtrooper—a damn good one at that. Officer material, even. It did not help that Poe had spared no superlative when relaying tales of Finn’s heroism in rescuing him and completing the mission to get BB-8 back to the Resistance. All of this had created quite the expectations. The General had even taken to dropping hints during meal times; picking Finn’s brain on tactical maneuvers, asking if he would mind training new recruits to shoot blasters, casually discussing how helpful it would be to have someone with intimate knowledge of the First Order as a leader in the Resistance.

Finn would always laugh, flash a smile, and agree to whatever she had asked, but never promising anything more. Because General Organa was right—Finn did have intimate knowledge of the First Order. Finn knew how they tore the humanity from their soldiers, killing their capacity for mercy. Finn had witnessed the mocking laughter from people he had once considered friends as they recalled with fondness the slaughter of a village full of innocents. Of children. Finn had even followed orders to clean rooms in which he was now sure people had been tortured. Murdered. Finn still remembered the propaganda the First Order forced on him and the others, the declarations of what should be done to traitors. He knew all too well what they would do to him if they captured him and what they would do to the people he loved and cared for. They would not get the gift of a quick blaster shot to the chest followed by the silence and peace of death. He knew it will be worse for them because of him.

Finn finally made it back to his bunk and collapsed on his bed with a humph. _We should all run_ , he thought to himself. It was the only way to keep them alive—Poe, General Organa, Rey.

 _Rey_. Her name had been the first word on his lips when he awoke in the medbay. His last memory of her having been her limp body cradled in his arms as the snow fell around them. Poe had assured him that Rey was alive; in no small part due to Finn taking on Kylo Ren long enough for Rey to regain consciousness. Poe told Finn of how Rey had saved him and sat vigil by his bacta-tank, refusing to leave for food or even the sanisteam. Apparently, it had taken days for General Organa to impress upon Rey the immense importance of finding Luke, _sooner_ rather than later. Rey only agreed to go after being given the best comm unit on the base and receiving promises from the General, Poe, three admirals, and even BB-8 that they would alert her the _moment_ Finn woke up.

True to her word, when Rey found out Finn was awake, she was back on the Falcon, despite Luke’s protest, and at the Resistance base as fast as light would carry her.

Finn had felt her before he saw her. He had been overcome with a feeling in the pit of his stomach, like he was anchored to her and she was pulling him out of the depths of the ocean into the blinding light and warmth of the sun. The feeling had been there since the moment he met her, but it was so much stronger now and impossible to ignore. 

He could not lose that light.

Finn had told her as much. After Rey had returned, they had spent many nights huddled close in his single bed whispering and giggling with each other. At first they had decided to share Finn’s quarters because the base had become overcrowded ever since the majority of the First Order was destroyed and galaxy citizens, radicalized by the destruction of the Republic and seeing victory in sight, had flocked to the Resistance. But when General Organa told Rey that she was arranging private quarters for her, Rey had politely declined. While Rey had not fully understood the meaning of the General’s raised eyebrows and smirk, the General’s facial expression had made Rey blush. Later that night, Finn and Rey had been knee to knee and nearly nose to nose in Finn’s bed when Rey had told him about the General’s offer, how she’d declined, hoped that was okay with Finn, and asked if Finn had any idea what the General’s expression had meant.

Rey had been trying to imitate the General’s exact look when Finn burst out laughing. Rey playfully slapped his arm. “What?” she managed through her own giggles. “What’s so funny?”

Finn had reached up and tucked one of her signature tendrils behind her ear. “Nothing,” he smiled. “It’s just…” He paused, looking into her eyes. “You make me so happy. You’re like a _Rey_ of sunshine.” Finn smiled wide. But Rey had gone quiet, her face unreadable. Finn, suddenly embarrassed by his corny play on words, started to apologize but then Rey’s face softened into a smile.

“Shhh,” she whispered gently, cutting him off. “You make me happy too.” Finn’s eyes widened as Rey lifted herself slightly, closed the short distance between them, and pressed her lips to his forehead.

Lying there now, in his bed, Finn realized it had been in that moment that he had made his decision. Looking at Rey, abandoned on Jakku as a child, left to raise herself in the cruelest and most demanding of conditions. Rey had not just survived but had grown into someone filled with beauty and hope. She had faced adversity, loss, cruelty, and come out on the other side not only a bright light in what was too often a cold and dark galaxy, but also a Jedi. And he was there too, beside her. Born to a family he would never know, stolen and then molded into FN-2187, forged to be a tool to carry out their evil. But no matter how they indoctrinated him, punished him, shamed him, he could not do the one thing they trained him to do. So he had shed the mask forced on him and had become who he was always meant to be: Finn--a man who felt, cared, _loved_ ; a man who thought for himself and did what he thought was right; a man who hopefully was as good a man as Poe said.

If he and Rey had made it here, had made it this far, he thought, there must be others. He thought of Slip. Who could Slip have been if the First Order had not filled his head with lies and carted him off to Jakku for slaughter? What about Nines? Zeroes? FO-3874, AN-6295, and EP-0038? All of them? Who could they have been if they had been given the chance to choose?

Then he saw it—a future. Out of the ashes of the First Order could rise children who would be spared his and Rey’s childhoods and be allowed to grow up with love, friends, and families. There would be no more battles. No more child soldiers growing into murderers and making killers of good people. No more parents losing their children to the darkness. No more running. No more fighting.

And Rey. _Him and Rey_. They could have something more than fear, worry, and whispered hopes on an army base. They could have a life. _Together_. Rey could finally, truly be safe because she would never have to leave his arms.

 _Yes_ , he thought. _This fight would be different_.

It would be a fight _he_ chose.

Finn rose resolutely from his bed and began packing his duffel bag. Finn could feel that Rey was on her way to him and he wanted to be ready when she arrived. He had seen the question in her eyes more than once when it was quiet and they were alone. After all, she and Chewie were the only ones left who knew the true reason—the only reason—he had gone back to Starkiller Base. It was time he gave her his answer.

Finn had just pulled on his jacket and slipped the strap of his bag over his head and onto his shoulder when the door to his quarters opened.

“The General’s just given the or—“ Rey stopped. She contemplated Finn—jacket on, bag packed. “You’re coming with us.” It was neither a question nor a demand. She stated it as she would any other fact of which she was sure. She smiled. 

“Were you in my min—“

“No. I saw it on your face.” Suddenly they were body to body, cheeks pressed together, with Rey’s arms draped tight over Finn’s shoulders, and one of Finn’s hands firm on the center of her back and the other gently cradling the back of her head. “When did you decide?” she breathed into his ear. “What happened? What changed?”

Finn was silent for a moment. Then, grabbing her shoulders and positioning her so that he could look into her eyes, he said, “I found something to fight for.”

 

 


End file.
